Five Tips To Helping Millennial Moms Overcome Burnout and Create Work-Life Balance

When you become a mom you see the world through new eyes. This statement may seem dramatic, but I can attest to its accuracy. Before we had our oldest son I thought I had a good grasp on who I was and who I would become as a new mom. Of course, I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that bringing a human life into this world would change A LOT, but I thought I had a pretty good idea of what that change would look like. Well, turns out I didn’t, but I couldn’t be happier with where it has led me.

Motherhood is one of the most incredible adventures, but it comes with its fair share of hurdles and complications. One of the most difficult hurdles these days is balancing family and career. For many moms, it still seems like there is a pressure to choose one or the other, or try to be both all the time and all at once. Well, I have some good news: this does not need to be the case anymore.

Shifts in companies emphasizing a culture prioritizing well-being and work-life balance continue to change the working game around the world. We do have more options as moms now. You can prioritize your family and STILL have a successful career. You CAN build a life around your passions. You can have “self care-time” and not be seen as selfish. You can extend your time staying home with your new babies, or even stay home with your kids until they leave the nest and that does not mean you are lazy, unambitious or that you won’t have a career ever again. Returning to work after years at home is becoming more and more accepted. You can change jobs, change careers or work for a company that legitimately supports working moms and allows you to have more flexibility. You can be present at home and at work. Whether it’s working completely remote, creating a hybrid model or flexible hours, you can find the work-life balance that is right for you. Not only are companies changing how they prioritize and support their employees who are parents, but there are more and more opportunities to monetize work that you love without being tied to a corporation, company or working for someone else. This doesn’t mean that these decisions are easy, uncomplicated or that you won’t have to make sacrifices. The ideal work-life balance will likely not fall into your lap, you have to go out there and either find or create the right fit for you and your family.

For the majority of working moms, there are probably three main reasons you might find yourself in the difficult situation of needing to go back to work soon after your baby is born:

1. You feel pressure to use your degree, education, expertise, certifications or not fall behind in your career etc.

2. You are a single parent.

3. You have financial constraints.

So, what can moms do if we want or need to be both? As mentioned above, the answer always seems to be work-life balance. Balance is thrown out all over the place when it comes to almost every aspect of life, especially with health and wellness, but when it comes to motherhood it gets a little more convoluted-it is not just about balance. You should not try and do everything you want to do equally and all at once, because you will likely not do any of them well. If you spread yourself too thin too often, you will not have the focus, drive and resilience to be your best self emotionally, mentally or physically. You will constantly bring your mental work baggage to your home and your emotional home baggage to your work. This will likely lead to burnout and overwhelm at home and at work. I know this because I’ve been there, and still have my days where I struggle, but through these experiences I’ve learned how to actively pursue prioritizing the balance that I want for myself and my family and it has been a life-changer.

Your mindset will influence every day of your life so it’s important to become aware of it and how/if you truly want to reframe it. Having the right mindset will be extremely important when creating your own definition of work-life balance. With all the added decision-making, planning, running around and responsibility of motherhood it can be tempting to daydream about the carefree times you had before becoming a mom, but this is not productive--start daydreaming of the adventures and experiences to come. Instead of thinking about all the “freedoms” you’ve lost or how you aren’t your “old” self anymore, try thinking about all the blessings you have now, wisdom you’ve gained and the freedoms you can create by taking matters into your own hands. Take time to appreciate all the beautiful and precious moments you wouldn’t have experienced in your previous chapter of life. Be thankful for the unwavering purpose, beautiful blessing and incredible responsibility of raising a family. I’m not saying motherhood is all rainbows and butterflies all of the time. It is extremely hard at times, but it does bring so much love, beauty, depth and perspective to our lives that no other experience can.

With a refreshed mindset, you can apply any (or all) of these 5 tips to help create your own definition of work-life balance. Implementing these 5 “hacks” not only allowed me to overcome burnout as a new mom but continues to help ground me as I’ve struggled to prioritize work throughout my second pregnancy. I’ve also seen my clients thrive when incorporating some or all of these hacks into their own lives.

How do you know if you are going to be better off being at home and getting back into a career later? What if you miss out on all the most incredible moments in the first few years of your baby’s life if you decide to go back to work? Why do I feel pressure to have to go back to work? Yes, there is a lot to think about and there is a long list of questions that you have to ask yourself and figure out. So why put it all on yourself? You shouldn’t. That’s why you need a support system you can get advice from, lean on, confide in and build upon. You need to dive into the depths of the details, and discuss the fears, insecurities, dreams, hopes, wants and needs with those you care about most. Gather the most important and supportive people in your life and start planning. Dream up the best life you can with your family. Set goals for yourself as an individual and for your family as a whole. I encourage you to do this post-baby :) because as I mentioned earlier, they really do change everything--in the best way possible of course!

You have so many more options than you think. If you decide you want to spend time at home for a while with your kids, amazing! Just because you choose to be a “stay-at-home-mom” does not mean a career isn’t important to you, it might just mean it isn’t AS important as raising your children full-time RIGHT NOW. Just know, it’s never too late to get back into a career or start an entirely new one after being at home for a while. On the other end of the spectrum; if you know going back to work after having your baby is going to make you a better version of you, then embrace it! First, it’s important to acknowledge that companies and leadership teams around the world are taking more and more notice of the hardships moms, and parents face going back to work, and improvements are being made which is fantastic. So, start to figure out how your career fits in with your family’s wants and needs, and what adjustments can be made so you still spend the quality time you want with them and they want with you. Maybe, financially you have to go back to work. While there is no “stay at home mom” option for you right now, there are many businesses that create company cultures rooted in work-life balance and prioritize flexibility, especially for parents. If you do not have to return to a full-time role but know you will enjoy some additional work outside of all the mom-duties, look into part-time work, volunteer, find local clubs, or maybe even slowly build your own business!

Remember, while there are various options out there, try not to overwhelm yourself by exploring all of them at once. Pursue the options that are both realistic for your family and align with your long term life goals. You can be and do it all, but maybe not right now, and that is okay. It is more than okay. It is necessary to pursue options you truly want. It is productive and healthy to prioritize certain goals and intentionally shift your focus to different aspects of life as you go through various seasons of life. For example, when you work on a project at work or home you typically come up with a plan prior to jumping in head first, right? The outlining process of a plan entails including your key people who will be involved and then a careful assessment of what it will take to complete the project, and ideally, a few strategy sessions on how to complete it well. Once you have your people and your list of to-dos, you shouldn’t just send everyone in different directions and say get everything done as quickly as possible, right? What do you do? You start by prioritizing what needs to happen first, second, third etc. in order to get to the best end results possible.

One of the most difficult tasks is prioritizing the options you’ve set out for yourself. So start by asking yourself: what needs to happen next in order to move towards my goals and the life I/my family want?

An example of what not to do: I had 16 weeks of maternity leave after having our son, which seems amazing compared to many other companies, and I was grateful, but it was absolutely nowhere near enough time for me personally, which I realized at the tail end of my maternity leave. So what did I do? I denied that I wasn’t ready to go back to work and pushed those emotions, as well as my wants and needs down. It’s what I thought I needed and had to do if I wanted to continue to have a successful career. This not only ended up being detrimental to my emotional, mental and physical well-being, but my career as well. I experienced excessive amounts of guilt, anxiety, indecision and insecurity. All because I didn’t listen to myself and do what was best for MY motherhood journey. The root cause of all this was my mindset and the perspective that I had to be both, equally, and at the same time. But I didn’t want both at that time. I wanted to be at home with my son, and I had no desire to do a job that would take significant time away from him. This came as a shock to say the least. I would’ve never predicted myself not wanting to return to work after having a baby, or losing the drive for my past career all together. It became clear that I was unhappy because I was not ready to prioritize my career after having my son, yet. It took time but the desire to have a job outside of mom and a career did come back. Not only did the desire come back but I’ve been able to fully embrace an entirely new career and true passion of mine because I took the time I needed and prioritized the path I wanted.

It might seem simple but make sure you prioritize the things in your life you truly want to prioritize. Easier said than done, but I promise you it will change your entire world if you do this well.

Now that you’ve assessed your options, prioritized those options and made your choices, you will now need to embrace those choices. It’s onto the when and how you will make changes to create the life you want. I recommend starting with a condensed version of the original goals you set and giving yourself a smaller window of time as to when you will work on and complete your goals. If you have a long-term goal that will take years, start with a smaller version of this goal. One you can break into smaller daily and weekly tasks, ideally accomplishing it in a month or two. Starting with small goals will allow you to succeed in the short-term, and in turn celebrate more small wins, which will help you embrace and build confidence in your choices even further. Schedule specific time blocks on your calendar when you plan to work on these short-term goals. For example, if you decide you are going to prioritize family first but find yourself feeling distracted or not able to spend the quality time with your children and spouse that you would like to, then it’s time to really buckle down and start managing your time better. First, take inventory of the items, tasks, activities that are taking the most time out of your day and when you are spending the most time on them. Then figure out when and how much quality time you and your family would like to spend together that reasonably fits in with everyone’s schedule. Then take note of activities you do not want to prioritize anymore or as much. Reassess your most important priorities and list them at the top. With number one being spending more quality time with family, start to schedule time on your calendar. You can even set a recurring reminder on your phone. It sounds ridiculous at first, but think about it: we use and look at our phones all the time. Instead of using it to distract us, why not use the reminder feature to keep you on track with what you don’t want to be distracted from? Be proud of your choices, embrace them and hold yourself accountable to actively pursue them.

Like any mindset, it will take some time, effort and intention to change. As “modern moms” we have been conditioned to think we have to either choose between the mom title or the career title, or convince ourselves we need to be both forever–but I’ll say it again: it is not about choosing one or the other anymore, it’s about choosing what, when and how. You will always be a mom, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be other things in addition to mom. Lean into the new version of you. Find peace in letting go of pieces of the old you that don’t have a place in your life now. Make some refreshed and inspiring goals for yourself and your family. It is okay to experience unexpected feelings and change. Be patient, and more importantly, be present. When you are with your little ones try not to glance at every notification, check email or worry about each missed work call. When you are at work, or maybe your home office, be in the work zone. Try not to feel guilty or distract yourself by attempting to monitor both your home and work life constantly. Appreciate the moment when you are in it. Remember, you can’t give your best if half of you is mentally and emotionally somewhere else. Cultivate presence in each moment.

You can do this!

The main message I want to drive home is that you can do it, whatever it is that is going to make you the best mom and version of you, it is out there for you. It’s all about making sure you are choosing what you truly WANT and CAN do as you move through each season of motherhood. Weigh the pros and cons. Know what you cannot live with or without doing. Choose wisely and base your decisions on the values and goals most important to you and your family. If you change your mind or make a mistake, that’s okay! Or maybe you’ve been going down a path you don’t like for sometime now--it’s never too late to change directions and pursue a different path. You can and should prioritize the life you want and one that is best for YOUR family.