My Why

I was on a waitlist to be a health coach at a large wellness and nutrition focused company when I started to play around with the idea of becoming a “fitness influencer." I had applied for the health coaching position during the summer of 2020 and was offered the job at the same time we were in the process of purchasing our first home, moving to a new city, and this was all following a move across the country a couple months prior. So I thought it best to defer. I didn’t know that deferment was going to mean months and months of waiting but I’m quite grateful it was because it gave me the much needed time to reflect on the previous year filled with multiple significant life changes, shifts in my career and most importantly, think about what is best for our family moving forward.

I think I spent more time on social media during the initial couple of months after deferring my health coaching position than I had in my entire life. My original plan was to have some kind of fitness social media profile as a side gig so when I was ready to have my own health coaching business I could make a relatively seamless transition. It only took a couple days of researching and following successful influencers to feel EXTREMELY INADEQUATE, to put it lightly. Full transparency, I felt intimidated, judgmental, frustrated and not cut out to be on social media in that capacity. Then, after weeks of researching relevant health coaching trends, focusing on holistic wellness and following some truly genuine and helpful accounts, I started to work on reframing my mindset.

This shift in mindset required a serious pep talk with myself. First of all, I have an affinity for fitness, holistic wellness and a drive for challenging my own body and mind to be better. I'm very curious about habits, and habit change, as well as have a tremendous passion for helping others, specifically with their overall well-being. I am very qualified to share insightful and important information about fitness, health and wellness. While I don’t have experience being an “influencer” I already have years of experience mentoring, managing, coaching, educating and positively impacting people’s health. And of course, the big one, I'm a mom and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in, physically, mentally and emotionally. As I began to change my own view about my coaching abilities, I soon started to see other health and fitness account’s successes as inspiration versus intimidation. It also allowed me to properly sift through a lot of content and really narrow in on my niche. As soon as that shift happened I felt a bit more excited about the idea and that’s when I really started to explore:

What if I just started my own health coaching business now instead of a couple years from now? Why put off what I know I want to do?

So I started studying to get re-certified as a Health Coach. Fast forward two months later and I had declined my offer to be a Health Coach for the large wellness company and passed my Health Coach exam. I was certified. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. I felt anxious about the coming adjustment to my day to day, balancing my family and work, but energized by the challenge of starting something that is entirely mine. Which brings me to why I’m doing what I’m doing now. I’ll try and keep this as short winded as possible :)

As an athlete seeking to play at any high level your body becomes much more than just a body. It is a critical piece to your resume for success. It is your “career” in a sense. It's not difficult to understand why so many athletes become obsessed with controlling the way their bodies look, feel and perform. Well, I was one of those athletes. Working out and diet were two variables I felt I had almost complete control over and when so many aspects of your life feel out of control, you want to cling to the few things that make you feel in control.

The work I had put into my body and athletics allowed me to attain my goal of getting a scholarship to play DI lacrosse, but I never really felt like I reached my potential in undergrad. I was a big fish in a small pond in high school. I had a decently successful athletic career at Old Dominion University and much to be thankful for, but I graduated feeling disappointed in myself. I put in the work physically, but mentally and emotionally, I felt distracted and was constantly afraid of making mistakes or not living up to other people’s expectations.

As a freshman I thought I had my career path all figured out. Being a D1athlete who lived and breathed exercise and nutrition, choosing a career in physical therapy seemed like a reasonable fit. Not to mention a stable career. Fast forward to two years post-college and I was singing a different tune while working in an inpatient rehabilitation clinic in Colorado. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized not only that physical therapy was not what I wanted to do but I wasn’t really sure what it was exactly, or how to describe what I was even interested in pursuing. Health Coaching wasn’t on my radar at that time and all the other well known options I considered (occupational therapist, personal trainer, nutritionist, dietitian, sports coach etc.) were missing a critical piece for me. The holistic piece. As an athlete, I always focused on the physical aspect of training the most, when really, I needed much more practice and training in the mental and emotional side of the game. It was no different in life after college. I didn’t want to help people with one aspect of their lives or specialize in just one facet of “health.” I wanted to integrate all aspects of health into a person’s life and help my clients navigate and balance the many elements of well-being.

I’ve always been a very active and outdoorsy person. Exercise and being out in nature is like therapy. My emotions feel regulated, I become more energized and my mind seems to function at a higher level when my body is in motion. It's how I like to start each day. I even find it difficult to take one day off a week. I don't have the routine I do because I have to anymore, but because I want to. When it comes to nutrition, I get a lot of enjoyment out of cooking and naturally gravitate towards healthy, real foods. I took nutrition courses in undergrad and have done a fair share of research on my own, and am truly blown away by how much food impacts our bodies. I try to fuel my body as best as possible with this in mind. My family, friends and coworkers have taken notice of this over the years and I’ve lost track of the times people have told me “you should just do this as your job” but my question to them was well what is this? Some would just say “tell people how to be healthy”, or design exercise plans, others would say to be some kind of life coach or work as a wellness consultant and occasionally I would get the “you should be a therapist.” The problem was I wanted a combination of what, at the time, I thought wasn’t a job or career. I wanted to help people through holistic preventative practices and establishing healthy lifestyle changes so they could be better in all aspects of their lives.

Admittedly, I felt very lost at that stage in my life, but also extremely thankful I didn’t go down my original path and waste time, energy and money on something I would never feel fulfilled doing. Then, my former athletic career opened a window of opportunity. The chance to go to Durham University in England to get my Masters Degree, as well as play and coach Lacrosse fell into my lap. It seemed too good to be true! I could expand and develop new skills on a business front, “redeem”, and recreate myself in a new lacrosse career, live in another country AND travel? It seemed like the exact fresh start I needed, and it was.

You know what’s funny? After graduating from Durham University and winning the national championships in Lacrosse I still didn’t feel at peace with leaving my “athletic career” behind, but I’ll elaborate more on that in a later post. Once I completed my dissertation on corporate wellness I decided to move to San Francisco, CA. I wanted to break into the Health Tech scene, so that’s what I did. For just about five years I had the pleasure of working with so many thoughtful, resilient and intelligent colleagues. I felt uncomfortable and challenged in some of the best ways and worst ways. I do not regret anything about how my career in health tech ended. Mentally and emotionally, I left that career the day our sweet baby boy was born. In reality, my last day was eleven months later.

Do you know what moms have to go through when returning to work after having a baby? Because I thought I understood but turns out I was NOT prepared for what was in store for me at all. After becoming a wife and then mama, everything changed, but in the best way possible. I know it’s cliche but it is TRUE! My world seemed more clear. My priorities shifted and time became more precious than ever. Above all, fostering and working to create an environment where we can build a strong foundation for our family was priority number one. This is easier said than done. Going back to work after having our son was extremely difficult on so many levels. This came as a massive shock. In fact, during my third trimester I debated on only taking HALF of my maternity leave (two months) to start and taking the other two months later in the year. I look back at the version of myself and laugh. I had no idea who I was going to be after having Wyatt.

With each month that passed back at work things got worse. I was experiencing what I now know was postpartum depression, I was extremely stressed about producing enough milk/pumping for almost FIVE HOURS of the day, anxious about always feeling behind in all aspects of my life, taking on additional responsibilities in a new role on my team at work, and of course, adjusting to raising a human being. It has taken a long time for me to admit that I struggled.

Bottom line: I did not feel prepared and was underwater for much of those six months back at work after my maternity leave, but what I learned was priceless. I decided that if I was going to be the mom that I wanted to be, something had to give, and that certainly wasn’t going to be time with Wyatt or my family. This is when my internal battle really began. I wasn’t the type of person to give up easily or ask for help when I needed it, but the more time went on the more resentment I had for my work and the more guilt I experienced for not spending time raising my son. I wanted to have a career but at the end of the day, time with my son takes precedence. Then, the decision was made for me. As part of a large company layoff due to Covid-19, I lost my job. A blessing in disguise. For a brief moment I felt a lot of anger, sadness and frustration about the years of hard work and loyalty I showed my company. For the internal battle I went through for the previous six months. For the hours I spent crying about the decision to go back to work and not be with my son. But after about thirty minutes of wallowing I felt an incredible weight lifted off my shoulders. I was able to shake myself out of the initial hurt and was so liberated by this new opportunity, as well as a swift kick in the butt for our family to move forward with our goals and plans. Within a week we decided we were going to move back east to be closer to the majority of our family. We moved a month later and this brings me back to the beginning of this post.

So why this niche? Health Coaching has been on my mind for a while, but it was always followed with a “I’m not ready because I need more experience” or “I shouldn’t do that now, I have a stable job” and “maybe in a couple years.” Well, despite being an athlete and a coach for much of my life, it took me becoming a mom to truly understand and appreciate the power of our mind and bodies, and how important it is to take care of the “whole person.” It also took me becoming a mom to gain the courage to pursue a career that I’m not only passionate about but one that is already integrated into my day to day. Motherhood is wonderful and magnificent, but make no mistake it will test you and challenge you like never before.

Being a coach for moms and moms to be is an incredible privilege. Each of you are beautiful miracles, preparing to bring and then raise more beautiful miracles. Motherhood is spectacular chaos at times and there is no perfect template, or a one size fits all method. You choose the life you want to build with your family. You design the unique method and the template to raise your little ones. You are not just “a mom”, you are THEIR mom. I know there are many moms out there that are going through a similar emotional, mental and physical rollercoaster to mine, or worse. Moms and moms to be, I want to help and support you in making positive health changes as you embrace this incredible chapter and grow into a new and improved you.

We all have our own stride. We all move at various speeds. It's not about being perfect. It's not about comparing. It's about believing in yourself, making progress and achieving personal growth so you can be the best for your family. I believe every mom and mom to be is capable of doing much more than they think they can if given the proper individualized support and partnership. That’s why I’m a health coach. I’m here to tell you that you can be a mom and prioritize your health and well-being. In fact, in order to be the best version of mom you can be, you must.

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